You Never Know
by WelshClaire
Summary: "She couldn't believe it, didn't want to. He'd gone. Didn't even say goodbye, just left a folded piece of paper on her desk." For Charlotte88's birthday. Rated T for one or two swears and a little bit of suggestive talk.


**Birthday fic for Charlotte88. Hope you've had a great day & enjoy this! :) Also sending hugs and thanks to Lizziginne, Pinkswallowsun and scarletpoppy who've been really helpful and supportive the last few days while I've been having a bit of a rubbish time of it all (and not just thanks to Harry!) Much love to all four of you**

* * *

She couldn't believe it, didn't want to. He'd gone. Didn't even say goodbye, just left a folded piece of paper on her desk.

_Nikki, I'm sorry to do this to you, but it's all happened really quickly. I have to go, it's an amazing opportunity. I know you'll hate me for leaving, for not saying goodbye, but I can't do it. I can't say goodbye to you. It'd hurt too much...I'm sorry. _

_Keep in touch, _

_H xx_

She'd only found out Leo also didn't know about him going when his arms wrapped round her when he discovered her, tears silently flowing down her cheeks, as she read and re-read the note. Coward. If he couldn't say goodbye to her, couldn't face being away from her, why the fuck was he leaving?! Yes, he might have some high-paid job waiting for him in America (they later discovered he'd left Leo more information in an email), but he could throw away his entire life here for that?

She wanted to scream at him, tell him exactly why he should stay. Once again, she'd left it too late, she'd thought there'd always be time for them. She sat on her sofa a few hours later, her thumb hovering over his number on her phone. What would she say? He'd think it was just because he was leaving, not because she actually needed him to stay. How do you tell someone something that important over the phone, when they're on their way out of the country? She couldn't.

She jumped in her car, not caring that she was dressed in joggers and a scruffy jumper, driving on auto-pilot. She pulled up outside his apartment block and knowing the code, let herself in, heading up to his door. She hammered on it, calling his name, softly at first, then more desperately as she got no answer.

"He's gone, cleared all his stuff out earlier today" a voice told her. She turned, seeing one of the security staff looking at her. "Sorry, Miss."

"It's...it's okay, not your fault he can't say goodbye." Her voice quivered as more tears threatened to fall. She walked past him, back towards her car, where she sat for – well she wasn't sure how long – feeling every emotion possible, yet simultaneously feeling nothing. She couldn't cry, she couldn't be angry with him, or hate him...yet that was exactly what she wanted to be.

She dialled his number as she put her phone in the cradle at the edge of her windscreen and pulled away from his apartment. It went straight to answerphone. His phone was never off, he must already be on the plane she realised sadly. That was it then, she had to start a life without Harry Cunningham.

The next day, she cleared out his desk methodically, placing everything in 2 cardboard boxes, one mark 'work' , the other 'personal'. She sent him a quick email, friendly, but not over the top. To the point.

_Harry, _

_I've cleared out your desk, there's a few of your own things in there. Let me know if you want any of them posting over to you:_

_Phone Charger,_

_The stripy tie I bought you – I thought you loved that, did you only wear it to please me? _

_Your contact book,_

_That photo of Leo, Janet you and me on the day Leo got his MBE. _

_A condom ...I'm glad you're having safe sex, but really, you need to keep one in your desk drawer? _

_Everything else was work stuff, so you don't need to worry about that. _

_Hope you're okay, _

_Nikki xx_

She got his reply just before she went to bed the following day,

_Hey, sorry, clearly forgot to do that. Would you mind posting it all - except the condom, you can leave that for my replacement :p You never know when I might have needed it..._

_Leo is getting someone else isn't he, or is he just piling all my work onto you?_

_Nikki, you know I loved that tie, I realised I hadn't got it when I unpacked - thought I must have lost it somewhere!_

_It's great over here...weird coming to work and not having you or Leo around though._

_Harry_

She emailed straight back, hoping he'd still be online once she'd sent it. She hated him for leaving, but missed him so much.

_Sure, I'll send it tomorrow :)_

_Harry, no-one could ever replace you...and I have your desk now, I couldn't have sat at mine and seen someone else sit where you used to. Yours was always nicer than mine anyway :)  
When you might have needed it?! You work with...worked, with me, Leo & Zak! Or were you planning on seducing some poor grieving woman at your desk? _

_He's looking for someone else though, yes...but didn't I end up doing all your work anyway? :p_

_It's strange not having you here, it's so different...I can get my work done without distractions though!_

_Niks xx_

Half an hour later she turned her laptop off sighing, still awaiting a response. She'd packaging his few belongings up in that time, ready to post on her way to work in the morning. She made her way to her bedroom, slipping Harry's condom into the back pocket of her jeans, chuckling to herself as she did so. When she next saw him, she'd give it back to him...she would see him again, she couldn't bear to think that they wouldn't meet, even if they did now live thousands of miles apart.

She hated being away from him, not that she'd had any choice in the matter...and why should she really, she was only his friend, her feelings for him clearly weren't reciprocated, he wouldn't have left her if they were.

Little did she know he'd been sat at his computer the whole time, trying to find the right words to say. He was loving his new job, and living somewhere so vibrant and exciting, but his heart was in London. Everything and everyone he knew was there, Nikki, Leo, his mum and all his other family, the Lyell Centre. This place was so different! It was so good for his career though, he just needed to settle in and make friends he thought to himself, they were trying out so many new techniques here that they couldn't have even dreamt of back at the Lyell Centre, the budget was so much better here.

From the following day, she seemed different to Leo. She came into work as usual and got on with her work with the same passion and determination as always, but something was missing. It was easy to tell what it was, but there was nothing he could say, nothing anyone could do about it. They had to accept that he was gone, starting a new life without them.

* * *

"Nikki?" he called out from his office a few days later.

"Yep?" she made her way from Harry's desk – she couldn't think of it as hers - over to him.

"I've had a few applications for the vacancy, take a look, see what you think, they seem pretty good."

Leo ended up offering one of them a position – provided a 3 month trial went well. Nikki tried to get on with Luke, but everything he did reminded her of Harry. He was so different, and she found herself thinking that was even worse. If he'd been like him, it might have been okay, but she kept thinking 'Harry wouldn't do that' or 'Harry would do it that way'. She tried to have as little to do with him as possible without seeming rude, which was difficult.

She worked even more determinedly and quickly – still being thorough, completely submerging herself in her cases. She went in early, hours before he would show up and leave as soon as she could, spending as little time there, until they were put on a big case together. She could only see him as Harry's replacement – but no-one could ever replace him truly.

Their arguments were worse than hers and Harry's ever were – not that it was Luke's fault. He'd only applied for the job, he hadn't made Harry leave, he wasn't to know how much it would affect her. When they eventually solved the case – which took far too long in Nikki's opinion, Leo offered to take them both out for drinks. It had been a while since they'd been out, and the first time since Luke had joined them. She'd politely declined, not missing Leo's concerned look as she grabbed her belongings and swiftly made her way out of the office.

"Leo...I, you remember Sara, in Cape Town?" Nikki asked nervously one morning.

"Er, yes...why? Is she okay?" Leo said, looking up from his paperwork.

"Yes, well...physically, I'm not sure she ever has been mentally," she chuckled softly. "Erm...she's short-staffed over there. She's offered me a job, Leo."

"Oh...temporarily or..."

"Permanently" she cut him off. "It's home Leo, it always has been."

"I had a feeling this would happen," he admitted, standing and hugging her "Something told me you'd either follow Harry or go back to Cape Town, I didn't think you'd be here much longer."

"I haven't accepted it...yet," she said softly.

"You're about to though, aren't you?" He stood back, and smiled at her.

"She's on the phone...I've put her on hold," she admitted, looking away from him.

"Nikki, it's okay" he said, putting a hand on her arm gently. "I'll miss you, but what's left for you here now he's gone, really?"

She smiled at him weakly, unshed tears glistening in her eyes before making her way back to her desk and picking up the phone.

* * *

A week later she was at Heathrow outside Departures, having said goodbye to Leo & Janet a few minutes earlier. She checked her flight information and gathered her bags, making her way inside. She thought she heard someone calling her name and turned, she couldn't see any familiar faces around. She carried on in the direction of the check-in desk she needed, wiping away a stray tear that fell as she did so.

"Excuse me," she heard a voice behind her say "You dropped this outside."

She turned, seeing a man holding out a passport to her.

"Thanks" she said, not looking at him, but taking her passport from him, quickly checking it was hers before she turned away.

"Nikki..." the man said.

"How do you...?" she looked at him for the first time and gasped. Her hand made contact with his cheek, and not comfortingly either. "What the fuck are you doing here?! Why now?!"

"I'm not saying I didn't deserve that, but that really hurt!" he said, rubbing his cheek, grimacing at the pain.

"Good. Harry...I've made plans, got a new job. Why are you here?" she said angrily, tears gathering in her eyes.

"It wasn't the same there, not without you Niks, I missed you," he said sadly. "A new job? Where, why? You didn't tell me."

"Back home, with Sara, there's nothing here for me now," she said "I didn't think it would matter, you didn't tell me you were visiting."

"Cape Town?...I'm not visiting. I landed what, half an hour or so ago, I quit my job, I hated being so far away from you, not that I've solved that though" he said glumly. "I thought that if I came back, it would be okay, we would maybe..."

"Harry, I need to get checked in," she said, her heart and mind telling her opposing things.

"Don't go?" he said quietly, hopefully, his eyes now just as tear-filled as hers.

"YOU LEFT ME, HARRY!" she screamed, forgetting where they were "YOU PACKED UP AND LEFT WITHOUT TELLING ME, WITHOUT SAYING GOODBYE!"

His arms wrapped around her, pulling her close to him, holding her tight. "I know, I know, I'm so sorry for that, it was stupid of me, I should never have gone," he murmured against her hair.

"You left me" she whimpered, tears running down her cheeks, soaking into his shirt.

"Oh Nikki," he pressed a kiss to her hair, "I'm so so sorry. I should have known that if I couldn't say goodbye I shouldn't be leaving."

"Don't ever leave me again?" she asked softly, a hand clutching at his shirt against his chest.

"Never" he said, tightening his grip on her "...so do I need to buy a ticket to Cape Town, or are you staying here?"

"Leo did always say he'd have a job for me here...not sure he'll take you back" she giggled, wiping her tears away.

"Will you...take me back?" he asked uncertainly, moving away from her to look into her eyes.

"Harry, you're my best friend. I hate you for leaving, but nothing could change our friendship," she said, grinning at him.

"What about...us? Is there ... an us, y'know..." he trailed off, running a hand through his hair.

"You want that too?" she asked nervously "I thought...when you left, you couldn't want that."

She was cut off by his lips pressing against hers gently, full of passion, but no urgency, no expectancy, then as soon as she felt them there, they were gone. He pulled away from her, his eyes meeting hers to watch anxiously for a reaction.

"I want it Nikki, you and me, you're my best friend too, but being without you made me realise just how much you mean to me. I want to be able to hold your hand, hug you, kiss you, at work, in the street, hell...anywhere, instead of dreaming about it. I want you in my life Nikki." This time it was him who was cut off by her lips against his, her arms winding round his body, one round his waist, the other round his neck to play with his hair. She grinned against his lips as she felt his arms tightening round her once more and his lips parting, his tongue flicking against her lips tentatively. She parted hers, moaning softly as his tongue explored her mouth.

"You can be the one who tells Sara why she's got to look for another person to employ," she said when she pulled away from his lips. "I'm not brave enough, and it's your fault I'm staying."

"I'm not making you stay here Niks," he said "You can go if you want, with or without me."

She pressed a kiss to his lips quickly "I'm staying here, with you. If I go back, it will be with you by my side."

"Thank you. Can we get out of here now?"

"I hope you've got somewhere to stay? I've been with Leo and Janet the last few nights, their spare bed's tiny."

"Managed to get my apartment back so yeah. I'd offer to cook dinner but..."

"Why break the habit of a lifetime?" she finished for him cheekily. "Takeaway?"

"Sounds perfect" he said, picking up one of her bags and slinging it over his shoulder with his rucksack, before taking his suitcase handle in one hand and her free hand in his other, and walking outside with her towards the taxi rank.

"I've got that condom of yours in my back pocket, you know," she looked up at him grinning suggestively when they were stood in the queue.

He unlinked their hands and moved his to rest on her bum, grinning when he felt the shape of it through her jeans and squeezed gently. "So you have! I'm glad you kept it."

"Well I'd always planned on giving it back to you, you never know when you might need it" she chuckled softly, leaning up to kiss him.

* * *

**So, until about 24 hours ago, this wasn't going to be Charlotte's birthday fic. That was an entirely different one - which I'll still post once it's finished- but I was having issues with it, and this one was demanding attention, so I forced myself to not make it as horrifically angsty as it was initially and made it her fic :) **

**I hope you all enjoyed it...you know what to do if you did!**

**C x**


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